Duality, The Grey Between.

Contemplating duality in life is one of the trapping of this world. That is because duality is black and white and what we are are many shades of gray. As a healer, as a teacher, as a community leader, as a father, and as a partner how do I/we continue to hold space for our highest self and for the rest of our self. How do we hold space for the people around us with out being a door mat or giving to much of ourself out to help them on there path through their suffering.

The Buddha says that if we are feeling anything other then joy we must sit with our emotions. We must sit with our suffering to experience and learn, because when we avoid suffering how are we to learn.

I have always been one to touch the fire to see if it is hot. Sometimes I have to touch it two or three times to have it sink in that it is hot. I have always marched to my own drum and thought for my self. This was frowned upon in school and in my family unit, being labeled the black sheep being the problem child.

So much of our society is developed and strives off of suppressing and labeling the spirit of the free thinker or the black sheep. Society labels them add, adhd, bipolar etc etc making them feel broken to reduce their spirit.
Something that I have taken away from being a kundalini yogi is the idea of encouraging the voices of the youth. So many times we tell them to be Quiet or sit down and to stop doing …. Guru Singh says that as children we learn to talk and then we are taught to shut down our voice. Our voice and spirit is so strong and we must encourage it to be expressed as opposed to breaking it down or smother it out.

So bringing this together, being someone that needs to experience for my own. Having to come to the understanding that and from self experimenting sometimes leads to failure. Combined with a family that thought that they knew better then me, that their way was the only way, as well as casting judgement on everything I did outside of the grain of their existence caused me great fear that I was broken that I was doing something wrong. Caused me to question my own spirit.

Listening to the words of Jai-jagdeesh’s song “13 times”, brings me peace and makes me feel whole in my journey and honoring my selves need to be me.

“If you give me a dozen tries, I will take thirteen times to get it.
That’s just the way I am.
I might follow your advice probably not until i have learned the lesson with my own hands.

I want to grow all alone so I can feel it in my bones. I got to fall and skin my knees so to know what I’ll when I bleed and I know you want me to be my self so you got to let me be, let me be me!!”

I won’t grow if don’t know

I don’t know what I don’t know

And I won’t know what I don’t know if I don’t let it go and let it in.

And if grow the way the tree grow and if flow the way the breeze blows i will be strong I will be free and I will be fine.

Bringing this in to the work I am presently focusing on is how do I support with out enabling. Enabling the shadow in my vessel, enabling my children, enabling the ones around me that I love. We enable people in an effort to help them avoid feeling the pains that we felt, we has empathic humans want to help relieve suffering. When we do this what comes from it unfortunately is delayed suffering, and sometimes more pain then if we would just hold space for the pain to surface organically. Going back to the teaching of the Buddha. We all must sit with our own suffering so that we can let it move through us. If we avoid it, it comes back larger and louder.

A wise man once said, God never gives us more burdens then we can handle carrying ourselves. A recent study I read from a Doctor who looked at grief, pain and lose in people, found that words do not help in the ways you would think. That people do not need you to tell them to pull it together for the kids or what they can do to fix what they are going through. People don’t need you to build them up as much as they just need you to be present with them. A healing hug a shoulder to cry on a gaze in to each others eyes into each others souls so that they know that your soul is with them. Unless they ask for words or option just sitting with them, with an open heart of compassion and love is more then words could ever be. Allow them to know they are not alone in there suffering. Every thing we experience is from our own eyes of perception. And everyone’s perspective on there suffering could believe that their suffering is the most intense suffering in the world because to them it probably feels that ways. As a healer as a parent as a partner we are called to anchor into our experience and vibrate our ability to allow the suffering to bring the teachings we are to receive from shadow while letting the density of shadow to be behind us and not swallow us whole. To know that what ever a person gets into they are strong enough to handle it. The flowers continue to grow to the light of the sun with our care or concern of the winds or the rain or the snow. We are called as humans to continue our growth back to the light without fears of failure or broken branches or dead ends as all paths lead back to the light and love of spirit. We hold this vibration in our selves and we hold it for others when they are going through their suffering so that they know that they are not alone that every one makes mistakes everyone falls and scrapes their knees this is so we can pick our selves up and see what we do when then pain sets in. To find our own power. This does not mean we are alone. Community Is support with out being a crutch. Community is connection to understanding and empathy above removing and relieving suffering.

Everyone needs to go through their own pain to find their own joy. And with our shadow we would not appreciate light.

I pray for all in suffering that we have prospective that our pain in no heavier or denser then anyone else’s pain as it is our level of pain at the time for our growth. That we embrace the pain and suffering so that we can find our own inner joy. I pray for all out their seeing others in their suffering that we hold space for the persons experiencing the pain and send love and light in the way of presence, compassion, and in community connection while still allowing them to work through their journey back to space of joy so that one day soon we can all live in a space of joy and grace with the least amount of suffering to work out as a collective.