Dive deeper into my story…
My life has been and continues to be such a blessing to experience. Immense Gratitude radiates from my heart for the experiences I have had and the knowledge I have gained. Like I stated earlier I was such a powerful creative force of energy from the moment I was birthed into this world. But light to some can be intimidating when you cause others shadow to be cast in a clearer form. Like most children sent here to shift paradigms and create a new world of love I was labeled a black sheep. Over the years with compiling oppressive energies without being given the tools to succeed, or shown shown unconditional love for being the authentic me, I shut down. I ran away, first emotionally and then literally. I tried to commit suicide, which triggered deep ties to my mom past, as her brother Patrick commited suicide. I was still throughout it all, in the back of my mind worried about what my family was to think when I was gone. Still carrying the weight of their judgement, especially my dads.
I was highly intelligent and a talented athlete but these pursuits did not move my soul. You see, all growing up all I wanted to do was create, play, and move. In high school I had dreams of going to art school. I was struggling to find my voice and place in the world, but what I did know is I want to create and inspire through my Art. It was the one outlet that I felt truly alive. You see this my dad was always at my sporting events in the stands intimidating me, with is drive for me to be better. This caused me so much fear and anxiety that it lost the fun, but with art my dad never approved so even though I was self critical with his voice playing in my head I had space to breath a bit when i was in my space drawing and creating.
I finished school and set off to New York City to attend the School of Visual Arts. Being moved by the creative energy of life and inspired by the city. I was so ready for something new.
When I got to New York I was overwhelmed and intimidated but still determined. Things shifted when I was talking to my Dad and he placed so much fear into me. My dad asked told me i made a million Dollars last year can you do that making art? Mind you I love my family and my father so much, and appreciate them for all they have done for me consciously and unconsciously as it has made me the person I am today. The pain that they passed to me was passed to them and I have so much compassion for them and love in my heart now, and appreciate the energies as fuel for my Phoenix rising. but this would take me into my early thirties to fully understand and embody. You see I started to check out in art school smoking cannabis as a crutch and conduit to escape the pain and avoid transmuting it. I was not ready to face the world and played the victim for a long with self sabotaging and blaming. I was out of my power and blaming the world for it working a job that I was good at but i hated, self medicating because I gave into fear and was comfortably numb walking a path that was not my soul’s path for energies outside myself. Miserably lost with no faith or direction i could not go any further in this path i hit my tipping point where i was potentially going to kill my self if I did not change this cycle. I was in my Saturn returns and I took a leap. I quit my job sold my house and when to find myself.
I met a friend and spiritual brother and destiny thread that turned me on to the spiritual path. My heart was a live. I jumped head first down the rabbit hole. Working with sacred plants and psychedelic medicines, practicing yoga and meditation. Being pushed to teach, but having resistance in my mind about it as I was always so shy in the areas of reading and public speaking in school.
Going through teacher Training was so healing yet i still was in my pain body, whose identity was strong in my body. Old stories over powering the new. Even though people would see me for my truest potential the Ego was still latching onto the old victim hood identity. You see even though my soul was turned on my pain body was still deeply alive in my being. I was still avoiding total happiness by sabotaging my forward movement.
For the past 8 years I had been working with Medicine elders in traditional healing rituals from our ancestral pasts. I decided to take a pilgrimage south working deeper with plants and study with the intact native culture of the Shipibo people in the San Francisco area in the Jungles of Peru.
I sent the next 4 years of my life training under these traditions learning how to diet and commune with plant spirits, interpret dreams from a deep spiritual space.
This work gave me a deep understanding and awareness of energy. How it is transferred through each interaction we have, with the clothes we wear, the programing we take in through media and our environment, and the states of mind we hold. I learned out to Process energy for myself and others. Able to shift emotional and mental states of being. This work was super profound and I have immense gratitude to the plants and teachers who helped level up in these ways.
While studying these reach healing modalities of our indigenous elders and ancestors, I was concurrently expanding my studying and practices in the eastern healing Thai Ayurvedic and Indian Yogic traditions. Learning from intact traditions directly under masters, still connected to the source of this knowledge. Learning Tradition holistic And somatic ways to diagnose and heal others through observation, dialogue, deep listening , and hands on healing. These practices found me enrolled in a Dr. of Spiritual and Natural Medicines program, Helping bring me into a profound understanding of the Spiritual and Natural worlds in the realms of Healing and holistic life styles.
Through this Journey I have Gained certifications in Wellness and Soul Coaching, energy healing modalities of Reiki, Medtronic Attunements, and Theta Healing, I have Developed a Deep Personal practice which helps me stay centered and focused on where I want to take my life and direct my gifts and talents.
It was through this deep focused study and practice of personal discipline that I came to the awareness of the roots of my self sabotage. I realized that for a very long time I equated being in my power and shining my light with having love withheld from me. The sabotage was a protection from pain for me. This awareness was liberating to me. It shifted so much energy for me.
I learned to surrender to the Divine Feminine Energy of support and love, Truly leading with my heart, and listening to my gut.
Helping shape me into the healer and space holder I am now. Allowing me to see all things as guides and teachers, helping my clients to rewrite their stories. We all have stories and we all have pain, to the ego its pain and stories are worse than other peoples. It si snot our place to judge others or ourselves but to hold space for all to find their way home. For this reason, Like I stated above we have created and Church / Ashram / Healing and Retreat Center known as NAIC Thousand Suns and Humble Pines Ranch and Retreat Center. Developing a school both on the land in online for all to deepen their engagement with their highest self, the land, and spirit.